i don’t know.
at times i feel ultra selfish.
at times i feel so horrible.
i really am a feel-y person.
i do things as my emotions leads me and tells me to.
i know this is wrong.
HELP ME GOD!
am i dreaming?
it seemed so real.
alive or dead?
it seemed like a drama show.
my tears was pouring. i knew that.
even when i was asleep.
why is that so?
my heart still ached.
for 12years since you were gone.
i never really called you or cared for you.
maybe i did but i don’t remember.
why do i have so little memories of you?
i really miss you.
what was this dream telling me?
to be on the run.
living amongst the dead.
when time was up for many.
you were in charge.
you could make yourself appear where ever you wanted.
i lived in fear.
daddy or jiejie was not dreamt of.
did you take them too?
my heart is sour.
my pillow is wet.
my hands are trembling.
is this a nightmare?
why?
when i so miss you.
you left without a word.
without a note.
without thinking how incomplete this family would be without you.
my wound is still not healed.
i really really miss you.
mummy. a word so foreign.
why? why? why?
i’ve got so many questions to ask you.
i’ve been praying that all this is a dream.
but i know it is not.
i thank God for all the blessing he has given me
but yet at times, i still do miss what he has taken away from me.
YOU.
why was this dream so scary?
are you asking me to give up?
how can i when you are something i never really had?
all i remember is that 1723223812 people telling me how i looked like you.
this pictures further reminded me.
should i love you or hate you?
afterall love and hate is just a fine line.
you hate because you loved too much.
i love you for all you have done for me.
but
i hate you for leaving me.
why?
when we could have many beautiful memories together.
what were you hiding?
you were not sick. but you chose to end it.
i rather believe you were still alive living at the other end of the world.
happy, with another ling, na and daddy.
i am a strong girl.
turning 18 soon.
i hope you will see how strong i am and would not come back.
i do not wish to touch the broken part of my heart.
no matter what, i still do acknowledge that you are my mother and i have loved you. my heart hurts. so stop remind me how much you’ve loved me. i do not want to mourn over something i long for but can never have.
Protected: confused.
May 2, 2008
CANCER WOMAN
When she is in love, she will act both ways. First, shy and polite trembling to be near you. Second, Attach to you like glue and trying to be with you all the times. She will try to go home with you after work, or have every lunch with you. It is O.K. if you like her too, but if it is not the case, you will feel very uncomfortable.
She hates to be talked about or gossiped by someone else. If she knows she will be very hurt. In nature she is a shy type, except she has been influenced by some other Zodiac. She is not a brave or daring type, so if you like her then you better be the one who start first. She will not accept her true feeling, so if you like her you better tell her first.
She is like a musical note always changes in tunes, so one minute she can be funny and cheerful, and one minute she can be sad and depress. Other people may think of her as “Over-acting”, or “Over-reacting”.
When she is depress, she will go out and look for things to make it up. She loves money, and thinks of having “Money” as “happy”, not as “God”. She will not look down at you if you do not have a lot of money, but she will help you make money, save money. She is not an extravagant person and sometimes will tell you not to buy her expensive and not useful gift.
She is the type who enjoys a long and quiet walk. Cancer woman is also influenced by the “moon”, so under the moon light she will be fascinating woman. She has a constant fear for many things. She fears of not being smart enough, not pretty enough. Even if she is not fat, she will not be satisfied. Assuring her of her look would help, because she can change mood 4 times a day.
She is not stingy, but you will not be surprised if you see her collecting old or broken junks. She sees that everything is useful to her. She will find a way to re-use it again some day. She is not a jealous type, but possessive.
The best part of her is that she will sacrifice everything for her love one with no limit. Don’t leave her in times of troubles, she will never forget it. She is not a weak type, even she looks like one, Example if you argue with her and she might cry her heart out. Once you left, she will wipe her tears and start clean up her apartment normally.
She is a very careful mother and will look after her kids every steps of the way. If she is a mother of your children, you are at ease, but if she is your mother in law, you are in pain. Not to worry, this type of mother in law will not let her own daughter being an “Old mate”.
She could be moody and argue with you in many little things like many women but she always wait and want to take care of you. If you argue with her and disappear a few days, she will be waiting for you, but not for long O.K. This kind of testing is risky, try not to do it.
The Cancer woman needs 2 things to be happy which are “Work” and “Love”.
She can be live in a dusty house, but she can not live in that same house with no Love.
could someone really understand me?
my heart is breaking. stop the mocking. i am fragile.
i am begging you.
it is not funny.
i hate wordpress. bleah. LOL!
the only function i like is that the post can be protected.
but oh well.
someday.
i believe.
Protected: camp.
April 21, 2008
Protected: ihaveacrushonhim.
April 20, 2008
manda&me
April 20, 2008
haha!
today so funny can?
i was blogging throughout the night to finsh my camp post but i’m stuck at day3 i guess. yar anyhow, amanda came down to visit me at my house today!! YAY!
haha. she’s such a sweetie. well, we actually planned it lahh. LOL!
she came over to bake cookies and cupcakes. but they turn out horrible. =( the cupcakes sunk in!! and the cookies were not biscuity biscuits neither were they cookiey cookies. LOL. like you understand. hiya, they just dont taste anywhere near how you expect them to be. so sad i can’t give them to all the welfare-er as promised. =(
but i had loads of fun making them though. =) baking is just so me! haha. oh yar. it’s my first time using icing!! so cool but extremely hard to control the flow of it so i end up destroying the whole thingy. sadded.
i guess it is the company which made me glad. manda was sharing about her freshman orientation campy stuff and how she like her dance partner very much. haha! we came up with our own stupid dance too!! LOL! it’s really dumb but funny to see to idiots dancing in the messy kitchen with the aroma of cookies all around! HAHA.
we went to see her crush after that. mr XXX or mr luke or what is he called again? lol. i kknow he hates his name luke. oh yar herfron. dunno if correct spelling. a cool dude i must say. the type of guy i would find extremely attractive if not for the fact i already like someone. haha! i really wonder if he like me too man. TREEEE!!!!
GO DIE!
hahhahaha.
yup and manda is really cool. i only realise now that she has a bump on her head as in PERMANENT BUMP and her eyes ARE SLANTED!!! and it is TRUE!!!!
GOSH!!! hahahah. what a day. shall go back to continue on my camp post. see ya!
therainbowaftertherain 